accidental? intentional? hrm.

[steadyside]

i've recently started going to a male mt and he's quite good.

however, he is very thorough and i'm a bit paranoid so i wanted to run this by you all and see if there's any cause for alarm. he works in my chiropractor's office and came highly recommended by the staff as the favorite of clients.

i'd seen someone else there- and he knows this so i don't know if that meant i didn't need to be asked about glute work or inner thigh but he did both and went quite high on the inner thigh - like all the way up. he also went under my underwear on the glute work. however, this doesn't bother me and i would have consented to it had he asked. the professionalism, though, i'm not sure about?

he also does a lot around the top part of my boobs and down the sides of my body when i'm on my back. it's not excessive but is it normal?

there's also a lot of stretching of my legs involved and when he works on my arms he has my arm in his lap.

all of this i'd sort of decided was fine, whatever. but today my hand was right at the edge of the table and he was on the side working on my back and i swear i felt his... well, you know. it wasn't at attention or anything and the contact was pretty brief, but still... ???

i just want to know if i'm being overly fanatical - and i hope so bec a) i don't want to think he's doing anything inappropriate. not to protect him but bec i don't want to think i'm in that kind of situation and b) he's good! i want to just be able to relax and get the muscular benefits.

sorry for the long post. any opinions would be appreciated!!

 

[visual_lace]

accidental? intentional? hrm.

Welcome to MassagePlanetL Jane! I hope you enjoy our forum.

To answer your question about your MT, from your description he hasn't done anything more than what I would do with a client who has had massage before. Since this is your first time having an MT of the opposite sex work on you, the red flags may be coming up a bit faster than if he were a she.

The main important factor in all of this is: Are you comfortable with his work? Do you feel he has acted inappropriately? Has he gone beyond the professional boundries and purposly touched where he should not have? If there are certain areas of your body you do not want him to go to, tell him, if he is ethical he will follow your wishes. (Ex:No glut work today please.)

As far as the brushing issue is concerned, it does occasionally happen, no matter what sex the MT is. Does it happen on a consistent basis? And what are his reactions to what happens when it does? Does he appologize, excuse himself breifly or not mention it, and then it continues to happen with further advances? I know for myself that I do occasionally brush up next to a client, but usually it is so brief and so uncommon that I don't think about it any more than brushing up against some one on a crowded street. My purpose is not to make advances toward some one, it just happens on occasion when two bodies are in very close proximity.

I hope some of these thoughts have helped you to examine it a little closer and help calm your fears. If you do feel you are uncomfortable seeing him as an MT, do not hesitate to find another if there are real issues at hand. Keep us up to date on what happens. Best wishes to you!

 

[Sir Studley Smugley]

i'm with dodab. this sounds very normal to me.

welcome to the boards t006

 

[molitor]

thanks for the answers so far. it's reassuring. because of past experiences i have a hard time discerning what is normal and what isn't sometimes.

he didn't mention it when it happened, which is fine.

frankly, part of my consternation has to do with my own reactions which are a natural result of being touched by another person but feel out of place considering the setting.

 

[F u c k Y o u.]

Can't reply to the rest as that's your call, but going up under undergarments is in my opinion breaching an implied barrier. If undergarments are left on, work over them or leave the area alone. Not hideously inappropriate, but sloppy.

 

[Brian T]

I agree with all that has been said above. I work the top of the chest/breast area, down the rib cage when face down, sometimes when face up too (depending on how well I know the client). I do not go under underware unless I've asked, I will work on top, which is considered more professional. Inner thigh work depends on the person I'm working on, and what the goal of the session is.

I can completely sympathize with the position you are in too. Kudos to you for working through it.

 

[[{ !shay! }]]

hmm... well that gives me pause, a bit. when i went to the woman at this clinic she told me to leave my underwear on but i think she, too, probably worked under them. he didn't specify, and usually i just take everything off, but left them on since the first person i saw there instructed me to so i thought perhaps it was their house rule.

the draping seems fine but who knows what they're really seeing and does it matter? i'm just naturally shy about exposing all my bits and parts. i'm also obviously shy about speaking up in this situation.

he definitely seems to have his routine down, though. the main thing i do like is that he seems more fluid and confident. the other people i've seen there are sort of choppy - like go from one place to the next sort of unexpectedly, etc.

oh, i'm fussy, i know!

 

[Mom of 4]

I have my clients leave underwear on. To me, it sets an extra barrier to help with client comfort with some of the work. I also do various leg stretches and range of motion moves that can make the draping tricky, so having underwear on helps there a bit.

I agree that going underneath the underwear is not necesarilly innappropriate, but it is a bit sloppy. Speaking only for myself, working over the drape or underwear- or moving it as needed would be more to my preference- both as a practitioner and client.

As for the rest, it all sounds normal- there are a LOT of muscle attachments around the pelvis, and it can really do wonders to work those areas.

Also, a lot of upper back tension can stem from muscles that are too tight in the chest. Working the chest can really help open up your breathing, improve posture, and decrease upper back pain.

But, if you are uncomfortable it will be difficult for you to get those benefits. So talk to your MT and find out what he is trying to accomplish by working this way. That may allay some of your discomfort, and it may also help by bringing your awareness to what is going on with your body in those areas.

Good luck.

 

[Gerald J]

I don't think there is anything inappropriate going on in this instance but I would have not worked under the drape or underwear.
If I need a client to adjust their "drawers", I have them move the garment essentially giving themselves a wedgie.
Underwear is easy enough to work through though.
Inner thigh work, I do it all the time and yes, I go "way up there" onto the pubic bone......I do though, explain EVERYTHING I will do to the client BEFORE or AS I do it....and in the best scenario...it will be expained in the brief pre massage interview.

You felt something was not right(My observation only) which made you post your questions....so my advice to you and all other clients out there...
IF ANYTHING FEELS WEIRD, STRANGE, ODD, UNEASY, UNWELCOME, OR JUST THE SLIGHTEST BIT AWKWARD...PLEASE TELL US.

Whether it be music selection, temp of the room, aroma of a candle/lotion, pressure of touch etc...please give your MT feedback.

As far as the accidental touch by your hand...I'm sure it was just that, an accident on his part.

Thanks for asking, hope some of the answers help.

Robyn

 

[Mommy of 2 awesome babies]

As a male therapist, i have to agree with robyn, and never work the glutes uncovered. I work through the underwear and sometimes even the draping. Any work i do on the chest area with a female, I always ask first and show them on myself where i will be working, and also tell them if they feel uncomfortable with anything i am doing tell me, and i will stop immediately. I have never been stopped from working, but always take all the steps i can to protect my clients modesty and my reputation. I go as far as giving a extra drape to hold over the breasts and keep them covered.

Tim

 

[Drunk Chicken]

Also to add my :2cents: as a male therapist...
I agree with Robyn, and most points in this thread. That said the clients comfort level is critical. I take plenty of time to orient a new client, and explain what the "regular" session entails, including draping options etc. if I may be working with them on their side, or seated. If there are specific needs the client wishes addressed, I specifically detail what, where, and why I will be doing certain techniques. If I find in the session something needing more attention, I address it right away, and explain, or if it's a strictly relaxation session, I bring it up afterwards as a possible focus for the next session.
As for areas being worked in this instance, I don't find any issue with what was stated, and personally work most of those areas in my sessions. This includes the inside of the legs. If I'm doing LDM, there’s no way around getting close. I prefer not to work over drape or undergarments for glute work, but if the client asks, that's what they get. Once they have had a few sessions and have established a comfort/trust level that usually changes. Upper chest... as long as the breasts are covered, work here goes a long way to help neck, shoulders, and posture. I can't imagine ignoring this area if the client indicates a need, just because it's near the breasts.
As for the accidental contact, I would chalk it up to that... an accident. Do this job long enough and you will experience lots of "accidents". I've had clients drop arms off the table and you swear they were trying to hit you, if it were not for the snore. I've has clients (cancer patients) not give a damn about their modesty in the face of their mortality. Doing Shiatsu, I've had a client experience a cramp, and move causing accidental contact, and in no way thought it was more than that.
It's all in the situation, and intent. If there was no intent, then it was accidental. I'd mention it tactfully if another similar accident happens. Raising the table 1" is all that's needed sometimes

Darren

 

[Zerexiam]

As for the accidental contact, I would chalk it up to that... an accident. Do this job long enough and you will experience lots of "accidents". I've had clients drop arms off the table and you swear they were trying to hit you, if it were not for the snore. I've has clients (cancer patients) not give a damn about their modesty in the face of their mortality. Doing Shiatsu, I've had a client experience a cramp, and move causing accidental contact, and in no way thought it was more than that.
It's all in the situation, and intent. If there was no intent, then it was accidental. I'd mention it tactfully if another similar accident happens. Raising the table 1" is all that's needed sometimes

Darren

I agree with Darren, particularly the comment about it having to do with the situation and the intent. My guess is, from what you described, it was most likely accidental contact. It happens, and unless you feel there was something improper about his intent janed, I'd just chalk it down to being an accident.
That being said, if you are uncomfortable with him working in an area, it's your responsibility as a client to give him feedback.
Let me demonstrate using Darren as an example... ask to talk to your MT for a couple minutes before you get on the table again. Then try something like this.
Maestra: "Darren, I was uncomfortable during the last massage you gave me when it came to working on the inner thigh muscles. I don't want you to do that again."
Darren: "Well Maestra, your adductors needed the work... and I was planning on working on them again today."
Maestra: "I'm not comfortable with you working that area at this time. Is it possible we could modify the massage?"
Darren: "Sure, and maybe I can demonstrate a stretch or two that might help..."
Communication with your MT is very important. And as Darren said, once you find a MT you can be comfortable with... over time clients generally are more open to working areas they once declared "off limits." The trust between you can build and in time you may find yourself being the one client he can count on to let him practice new techniques on.
Recieving massage or bodywork can bring up all sorts of emotions, and each person has their own personal journey... their own path to health.
I hope you and your new MT become a great team!
Wishing you well on your journey. t023

 

[Skidoo]

thanks for all the answers. they were really helpful. however, i don't think i'll be using him again. yesterday he seemed like he was in a rush, didn't bother to wait for me to get dressed (he was gone when i came out of the room) and one of his techniques left my chest exposed.

i really did try but it just doesn't seem worth it at this point. i think i'll stick with female mts from now on.

 

[silmerrnattyina<3]

yesterday he seemed like he was in a rush, didn't bother to wait for me to get dressed (he was gone when i came out of the room) and one of his techniques left my chest exposed.

That's just rude. sorry to hear that happened to you. Not all of us male MTs are like that. Most MTs (male and female) really do care about our client's comfort in draping, in waiting to see if they have questions or whatever after the session, etc.

Like any group of folks, not everyone has good people skills. If you care to tell us where you are located, someone may be able to recommend a good practitioner for you.

Best of luck.

 

[Phil H]

I'll echo palpable on this...

Don't write all Male MTs off. Talk to your friends, ask around, talk to a female MT about this, she may have a suggestion of a more caring male MT. In the big picture it shouldn't matter what sex your MT is, in reality we know it's different, but a lot of us male MTs are working hard to change the perceptions out there.

Darren

 

[McBraas]

thanks for all the answers. they were really helpful. however, i don't think i'll be using him again. yesterday he seemed like he was in a rush, didn't bother to wait for me to get dressed (he was gone when i came out of the room) and one of his techniques left my chest exposed.

i really did try but it just doesn't seem worth it at this point. i think i'll stick with female mts from now on.

If he has generally been very good and very professional, there is a huge possibility that there were extenuating circumstances, this time. Maybe just before your massage, someone called and said his dog was hit by a car and being taken to the vet.....or his child! You will never know why he was rushed and distracted, but being rushed and distracted can cause the quality to be diminished. In a perfect world, we would never work with a client before having our own ducks neatly in a row, mentally, physically and emotionally. But here we are, stuck in reality, and "things happen".

If you are not comfortable going back, don't feel any guilt about finding a different therapist. YOUR comfort is of utmost importance. I know I once lost a client because I received horrible news on my way there. She had/has no idea that I was upset and distracted and not myself, it would have been unprofessional to tell her about my troubles. She also had no idea that this was my "worst massage ever" because I just couldn't focus, so I would be shocked silly if she ever calls again. She won't, and I don't blame her. I'm just saying not to assign motives to this guy.

 

[maikabarrett]

i know. i'm sorry, i don't mean to be sexist. i think just given past experiences of mine it would just be easier for me to see a woman.

however, i did just want to try to be normal about it, and give the guy a chance. it's weird, though, everyone there loves him and like i said, he came highly recommended as the best there.

there is another male at the clinic who worked on my fiance and he liked him so i might try him when i get back.

oy - i never thought it would become such a dilemma!

 

[killedbyapenny]

You don't have to be sorry, Jane! I meant it when I said that if you need to see someone else to be comfortable, don't feel any guilt about it! Maybe someday you will be more able to relax and receive benefits from a male MT, maybe not. You go there, and you pay for the massage, so that YOU will benefit. The person you owe something to is YOU. Do what you need to do.

 

[Ceasars Mom]

i'm going to fully admit i'm a crazy person by saying that i wondered if he'd read this topic and knew it was him because he was much rougher than before.

do you all ever read these and wonder, if by some chance, the clients are talking about you?

 

[..l0VEx3..]

It does seem like that sometimes doesn't it. I can understand your problem. And I know I am going to take some flak on this but here goes. From what I have read you seem like you would be more comfortable with a women. And the most important thing is your comfort. For this is your time. As a male mt I understand this. It is one of the reasons I only have a small private practice. I know everyone of my clients and I only accept referals from them. I have had many a female client who was shy and uncomfortable the 1st time with a male but after a couple of sessions they were fine. So I do hope that in the future you can try a male again. But like I said this is your time and you should be comfotable and able to relax. Good Luck


Steve