Best Bodywork / Midtown East / An Exercise in Due Diligence

Dianna

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On one of my midtown recon missions scouting for new or unknown spots, I saw the neon lights for this place in a second floor window and noted it for future research. I let it wait a little longer than my usual waiting period, which customarily runs somewhere between 15 seconds and 24 hours, and then...with nothing else on my agenda for lunch one day earlier this week I stopped in.

What did I find? All in due time, dear reader. All in due time.

Zen and the Art of Erectile Maintenance: The Monger's Bible is a vital resource for any rub junkie, hobbyist or monger. This definitive guidebook was the stuff of rumor and legend for years, an apocryphal item of urban mythology that was said to contain the collective wisdom of generations of degenerates. I never believed such a book even existed, and I openly mocked the men who insisted that it did and that they would find a copy one day and in so doing gain the powers of an ubermonger overnight.

Then, one soggy Sunday afternoon last April, I was poking through cartons of books and vinyl albums at a church basement sale in Hell's Kitchen. The dust and mildew was irritating my sinuses and I was about to leave empty-handed when I pushed aside a stack of damp Life magazines and there it was, staring up at me like the holy grail of perverts. The leather-bound volume was imprinted with the title in gold inlay. The spine was unbroken, the pages unmarred...indeed it looked, ironically, as if it had never been touched by human hands.

It was a magical moment and I plucked it from the disheveled table and looked around furtively. The only other person in the room was an elderly woman with a hacking cough and visible cataracts who sat by the entrance with the cashbox. The sign on the wall listed the prices - hardcovers, 50 cents... I clutched the book greedily and gave her a dollar and stood there an excruciating two more minutes as she carefully counted out fifty cents change in nickels and dimes, each of which she inspected individually with her one good eye.

Since that day I have slowly absorbed the wisdom contained in its pages. The volume has no author attribution, no publishing imprint, no Library of Congress number. Its origins are as mysterious as its contents are magical. Efforts to find a publishing house willing to republish it have thus far been unsuccessful, owing to the nature of the material and the intellectual property rights issues.

As a public service, then, I am presently resigned to reproduce passages from it here in my reviews in pieces small enough to be permissible as "fair use" whatever any future copyright disputes may ultimately reveal or establish regarding the provenance and ownership of the content itself.

The Monger's Bible recommends different tactics, strategy and overall plans of attack for a variety of different types of massage places, independents, strip clubs, brothels, fasthouses and UTR providers' basement rec rooms. The project plans contained within it are remarkably specialized. For example, the section on "Downmarket AMP's" is subdivided according to geography - suburban vs. urban...and then within the urban subset, Chinatown and non-Chinatown. "Best Bodywork" falls into the non-Chinatown, urban Downmarket AMP category...one where I've done quite a bit of independent study myself but still have a lot to learn...

An excerpt from The Monger's Bible: "The Non-Chinatown Urban Downmarket AMP Monger is a seeker of volume, of short, sharp rub-n-tug experiences, paying $30 or $40 house fees and $30 or $40 tips for bad to mediocre experiences in bad to mediocre places from bad to mediocre providers all over midtown several times a week."

"All this activity occurs in the pursuit of one or more goals, the most obvious of which is to achieve orgasms on a routine and regular basis in the same general manner in which any addict seeks his or her 'high.' Another is mileage. This subspecies of monger is known to work a system or program involving repeat visits to providers in the pursuit of increasing levels and types of service – each visit involves pushing the boundaries set in the prior visits and rewarding service improvements with increased tips.”

“The initial research and development stage is vital to this monger sub-species and the first two or three visits will establish the overall viability of a prospect.”

“Best Bodywork” is a a smallish open apartment on the second floor - the sign on the door reads "White Pearl Spa" though the neon in the window says “Best.” The entrance on Lexington Ave is unconcealed and obvious and hence generally indiscreet. It was empty when I walked in and was greeted by Lucy, an average looking Chinese woman in her thirties somewhere (she said she was 32, so figure she's late thirties or early forties...) with a good if unexceptional figure and a decent enough temperament. I took an hour massage.

There's a standup shower in the place that looks fairly clean, though I haven’t gotten up close and personal in it. The place itself is a little worn at the edges though not unclean on its face. The towels seemed clean but they don't have a towel steamer, so that could be an issue…Germophobes need not apply.

The clear issue is privacy - there is one private room labeled "couples room" but then the rest of the place is just divided by short paper walls and curtains. You can hear a belt buckle hit the floor from one end to the other. I recommend asking for that couples room for you and an imaginary friend.

Circling back to the Monger’s Bible, this place fits the bill for a potential mileage-oriented program of repeat visits in that there’s a shower and an opportunity for full privacy in that couples room. On the down side, at 40 for a half hour and 60 for an hour, it’s a little overpriced for a down-market spot. The usual pricing scale for a place like this is 30 for the half, 50 for the hour.

The Monger’s Bible offers the following: “The mileage-seeking monger assesses verbal and non-verbal cues from providers to establish their viability as prospects for development. The likelihood of positive results is reviewed and progress is attempted at new levels of service or activity with increasing tips as a reward.”

"Lucy", an unexceptional but not unattractive Chinese woman has a soft-spoken manner and is reasonably attentive, but there were two immediate service issues. The first was that she was working alone the first time I visited - other providers were scheduled to arrive later - and several other potential customers rang the buzzer while I was there, which led to far too many interruptions.

More importantly, the service itself was lazy and lackluster - the massage was far too soft for my taste and she wasn't able to make it any harder. After the flip, she perked up a little, flipping her bra up for access to her very nice breasts and nibbling at my chest while oiling up my cock and getting the job done. Her tip expectation for the ordinary service was excessive – she wanted 60 which I would not agree to pay…instead I agreed to 40 and then in a moment of personal weakness gave her an extra 10 because she complimented my shoes.

I had the impression that she’d be willing to take things further on successive visits but for me it felt like a dead end – the service was barely adequate and she simply wasn’t willing to put in greater effort for a greater return. The battle was going to be uphill and would probably involve more negotiation than it was worth. The best mileage oriented prospects work on trust – an understanding that service will be rewarded and that negotiation at every pass shouldn’t define the relationship.

A final tip from The Monger’s Bible: “A mileage seeking monger will not reject a spot outright because of success or failure with a single provider. Rules of conduct in down-market spas are rarely rigidly defined. One providers limits and rules will not bind the next, and a smart monger will find his prospect and proceed but when one prospect feels like a dead end the next may be the thoroughbred champion he seeks.”

My first shot here was lackluster and I wouldn’t have bothered going back but at the end I was pressing Lucy for detail about the alleged other girls who she said worked there and she said there was a very pretty girl in her early twenties. Naturally, I bullshitted her a little about how I would come back to see her and not some other girl, but the detail was filed away and I returned looking for young blood a few days later. Unfortunately, I ended up spending another lackluster half hour with Lucy because the other girl was busy. The second time around with Lucy was just as unexceptional, though I found myself instinctively making mileage progress despite knowing the whole session was a dead end…I couldn’t keep my hands out of her pants even though I was no longer especially interested in what I found inside them…

I figured at that point that I was done with the place but then…on the way out the door I met Lily, who definitely does appear to be in her twenties, with a nice little rack and a fresh face. Sigh….I will be back next week to test those waters.

212-682-2968
 
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  12. ASPA:
    𝗪𝗘𝗗𝗡𝗘𝗦𝗗𝗔𝗬 at 𝐀 𝐒𝐏𝐀: Amy, Coco & 𝗯𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝗥𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗹 🅰️𝐀 𝐒𝐏𝐀🅰️, 28 South Unionville Ave, Unit 5, Markham. 🅰️𝗖𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝟲𝟰𝟳-𝟳𝟮𝟵-𝟲𝟲𝟬𝟲 𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝟲𝟰𝟳-𝟴𝟯𝟵-𝟱𝟵𝟲𝟲🅰️ AMY is young and very friendly, standing 158 Cms. with 34C Cups and a very nice bum. Amy is a very popular student, young, sexy, and open minded. She is in demand for her good massage
  13. SugarLoveSpa:
    Wednesday at ❤️💙 💜⎝𝗦𝗨𝗚𝗔𝗥 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 𝗦𝗣𝗔⎠💖💗💘: CARA, ELLA & TIFFANY. 1270 Finch Ave W (at Keele St), Unit 18. North York, ON ☎ 𝟰𝟯𝟳-𝟯𝟲𝟱-𝟮𝟲𝟴𝟴 ☎ CARA is a young & attractive Chinese attendant, 5’3” & 100 pounds with natural C Cup big boobs, very friendly with a host of services. ELLA is a lovely Thai sweetheart, 5’1” with C Cups, smooth skin and a very pleasing attitude.
  14. ForeverWarden:
    Wednesday at 🫦❤️🔴🟥♾️𝓕𝓞𝓡𝓔𝓥𝓔𝓡 𝓢𝓟𝓐♾️🟥🔴❤️🫦2190 Warden Ave, Unit 201, Scarborough 𝟰𝟭𝟲-𝟴𝟬𝟬-𝟳𝟴𝟴𝟳: Bella, Cindy & Sasa. Bella is around 5’3” with a thin to medium build, C Cups, and a pleasing personality. She can offer dfk, bbbj and cfs as well as a good massage experience. Cindy is a slim beauty, 5’4”, natural C Cups & wonderfully long nipples. Her massage is nice, her bbbj will drive you wild
  15. AmoreSpaEtobicoke:
    AMORE SPA 127 Westmore Drive, Unit 106C Etobicoke, ON M9V 3Y6 ☎ 437-688-2407 ☎ Wednesday at AMORE SPA: [/color ANGELA & CHERRY. ANGELA (*New Today) CHERRY is a proven superstar, Slim Asian with a pretty face, all natural A or B Cups, long nipples, slim waist & small round bum. Her services are legendary. AMORE SPA is a well established holistic spa
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    🫦 Angela & Noor are here Today! 📞📲 (647) 325-8086 💦 We have Hot & Sexy Girls Every Day. 💋 They all do Extra Services & are Very Open-Minded ~ Drop In Anytime 🚶‍♀️🚶➡️ Walk-Ins Are Always Welcome! Unit 27, 10 East Wilmot Street, Richmond Hill
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    We have 4 young beautiful girls are working today, young cute Yuki slime 30’s open mind and young sweet Mia 25’s, cute GFE Lina and sexy Coco are providing deep tissue and sensual massage, pls call 416-3985777 book appointment and walk in always welcome, back entrance and parking available, 350 Wilson Ave North York
  21. New Oriental Health Centre:
    🫦 Nayla & Vivian are in today💄~📞Call 📲 Text: (647) 381-2688 💄Make Your Day Incredibly Delicious 🍑 Our girls provide lots of service options & are Extremely Open-Minded 🤗 We're Open 9am - 2am everyday! Drop in to Unit 26, 10 East Wilmot Street, Richmond Hill.
  22. Annie Spa:
    🎉🍒ANNIE SPA🎉🍒 ✅7-1001 SANDHURST CIRCLE✅ 👌SCARBOROUGH ON M1V 1Z6👌 ☎️ (647) 891-9688☎️ ☎️ (416) 291-8879☎️ (FINCH & MCCOWAN) OPEN 9:30am to 9pm MONDAY to SUNDAY 🔥✅NEW MANAGEMENT💯NEW GIRLS🔥🔥 🔥GORGEOUS NEW YOUNG ASIAN GIRLS - TODAY’s ROSTER INCLUDES: 🔥 Mia😍 beautiful young Singapore girl. Mia has a very sexy body, and beautiful busty boobs and golden blonde hair. She can give a very good teasing and relaxing massage with a sensual great playful HAPPY service. So very sexy beauti
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  25. EMSpa_schedule:
    Tomorrow's sneak peek: On Wednesday November 13, 2024, our attendants will be Carla 🤩, Opal 😘, Cici ❤️, Sandy 🔥 and Yoyo 🥰. Call 905-479-6668 for a great massage!
  26. Julia from Ukraine:
    💋💋💋 Hello Gents 💋 My name is JULIA and I'm from Ukraine 💋 I'm a new in town 💋 Great body and friendly service 💋 Today I'm in South Scarborough 💋 647-761-0982 💋💋💋
  27. Shangri-la Spa:
    💆‍♀💖Tue Blu? 💜💖 Ultimate destination for Asian massages🎉 Two fab spots: SL East Richmond Hill & SL West Oakville✨ Your passport to paradise with 10 enchanting girls fr China, HK, Japan & Korea —34D Cici, Cindy, Coco, JPN Yui, Echo, 36D Amber, Anita & Korean Luna— ready to pamper you🎁🍁 Ring us 📞647-695-6354 or text us 📱647-578-8169✨ 160 East Beaver Cr., Unit 12, RichmondHill 💰Where Eastern charm meets Western comfort - your bliss awaits🙌
  28. Red Rose Spa:
    🌸 We have 5 hot brown girls today 🌸 ASHA, MALIYA, SALMA, ANGEL, AMANDA, ANGIE, PAYAL PEARL, DIYA, ANAYA 🌸 2588 Birchmount 🌸 2 Invergordon 🌸 647-702-8800 🌸 Please visit for a great erotic massage
  29. Sparkling Spa:
    ⚡🌟SPARKLING SPA⚡🌟 ✅50 Lockridge Ave Unit 8✅ 👌Markham, ON L3R 8X4👌 ☎️ (905) 604-8186 Spa Land Line☎️ ☎️ (437) 446-6688 NEW Spa Cell Phone☎️ (West of Warden & 16th Ave) OPEN 10am to 9pm MONDAY to SUNDAY 🔥✅NEW MANAGEMENT💯NEW GIRLS🔥SUPERSTAR SERVICE QUEENS AVAILABLE AT SPARKLING SPA FOR ALL YOUR MASSAGE AND SPECIAL EXTRA NEEDS🔥💯😘🔥❤️👌 🔥SEXY NEW YOUNG GIRLS ALWAYS WORKING - Today’s Schedule is…🔥 Jennifer -🔥😘A talented and graceful new massage girl from Taiwan, offering a trul
  30. Endless Joy Spa:
    ✨✨✨✨✨[GRAND OPENING]✨✨✨✨✨ 💞Endless Joy Spa💞 🎇 (155 East Beaver Creek Rd Unit #8, Richmond Hill) 416-731-8565🎇10am-2am, New First Day Young Slim Petite Chinese Vivi, Tall Slim Sexy Chinese Kelly, Sexy Chinese Coco, Young Sexy Chinese Abie, Young Sexy CBC Rachel.
  31. New Oriental Health Centre:
    ❤️ Phoenix, Nayla & Vivian are in today💄~📞Call 📲 Text: (647) 381-2688 💄Make Your Day Incredibly Delicious 🍑 Our girls provide lots of service options & are Extremely Open-Minded 🤗 We're Open 9am - 2am everyday! Drop in to Unit 26, 10 East Wilmot Street, Richmond Hill.
  32. Sunrise Health Centre:
    🫦 Yoyo, Noor & Angela are her today 💋 📞📲 (647) 325-8086 💦 We have Hot & Sexy Girls Every Day. 💋 They all do Extra Services & are Very Open-Minded ~ Drop In Anytime 🚶‍♀️🚶➡️ Walk-Ins Are Always Welcome! Unit 27, 10 East Wilmot Street, Richmond Hill
  33. Annie Spa:
    🎉🍒ANNIE SPA🎉🍒 ✅7-1001 SANDHURST CIRCLE✅ 👌SCARBOROUGH ON M1V 1Z6👌 ☎️ (647) 891-9688☎️ ☎️ (416) 291-8879☎️ (FINCH & MCCOWAN) OPEN 9:30am to 9pm MONDAY to SUNDAY 🔥✅NEW MANAGEMENT💯NEW GIRLS🔥🔥 🔥GORGEOUS NEW YOUNG ASIAN GIRLS - TODAY’s ROSTER INCLUDES: 🔥 Rose🌹😘An enchanting and skilled new Asian massage girl, known for her calming presence and soothing touch. With long, silky dark hair and delicate features, Rose exudes an aura of serenity and grace. As she gently guides you thro
  34. #203MoMo&Beauty:
    MoonMoon spa/416 887 8801/8131Yonge st #203 Brazilian girl 23ys curvy body &new Asian girl today
  35. wonderspa:
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  36. Jenny’s Spa:
    🎉🍒JENNY’S SPA🎉🍒 ✅5170 DUNDAS STREET WEST✅ 👌ETOBICOKE ONTARIO M9A 1C4👌 ☎️( 647-893-5196)☎️Call or Text ☎️( 437-888-3759)☎️Call Only (ETOBICOKE) OPEN 10am to 9pm MONDAY to SUNDAY 🔥✅GRAND OPENING💯NEW GIRLS EVERYDAY🔥EXCELLENT MASSAGE + SERVICE QUEENS NOW AVAILABLE AT JENNY’S SPA FOR ALL YOUR MASSAGE AND SPECIAL EXTRA NEEDS🔥💯😘🔥❤️👌 🔥TWO BEAUTIFUL NEW YOUNG ASIAN GIRLS EVERYDAY🔥 💯REAL PICTURES OF ATTENDANTS💯 🔥TODAY’s ROSTER INCLUDES: Julia😘 - A shy new Korean girl waiting
  37. AmoreSpaEtobicoke:
    AMORE SPA 127 Westmore Drive, Unit 106C Etobicoke, ON M9V 3Y6 ☎ 437-688-2407 ☎ This is the only official schedule for AMORE SPA: Tuesday at AMORE SPA: CHERRY(10AM-11pm) & Tiny Spinner LALA CHERRY is a proven superstar, Slim Asian with a pretty face, all natural A or B Cups, long nipples, slim waist & small round bum. Her services are legendary. Tiny LALA is unbelievably good
  38. ASPA:
    TUESDAY at 𝐀 𝐒𝐏𝐀: Best Massage Rachel, & Wendy 🅰️𝐀 𝐒𝐏𝐀🅰️, 28 South Unionville Ave, Unit 5, Markham. 🅰️𝗖𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝟲𝟰𝟳-𝟳𝟮𝟵-𝟲𝟲𝟬𝟲 𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝟲𝟰𝟳-𝟴𝟯𝟵-𝟱𝟵𝟲𝟲🅰️ RACHEL is a slim and attractive attendant, about 5’4” tall with nice responsive 34C’s and a captivating smooth rounded bottom. She is popular for her excellent massage skills and a little extra.
  39. bnwellness_wilson:
    We have 4 young beautiful girls are working today, young fun Ivy with big buttocks 30’s open mind and young sweet Mia 25’s, cute GFE Lina and sexy Coco are providing deep tissue and sensual massage, pls call 416-3985777 book appointment and walk in always welcome, back entrance and parking available, 350 Wilson Ave North Yo
  40. ForeverWarden:
    Tuesday at 🫦❤️🔴🟥♾️𝓕𝓞𝓡𝓔𝓥𝓔𝓡 𝓢𝓟𝓐♾️🟥🔴❤️🫦2190 Warden Ave, Unit 201, Scarborough 𝟰𝟭𝟲-𝟴𝟬𝟬-𝟳𝟴𝟴𝟳: Cindy, Tracy & Vivian. Cindy is a slim beauty, 5’4”, natural C Cups & wonderfully long nipples. Her massage is nice, her bbbj will drive you wild & her cfs finish is a dream come true. Tracy is an incredibly cute & pretty Japanese/Taiwanese mixed spinner, about 5’1” and 100 lbs. She is very popular
  41. HolidaySpa:
    Tuesday at 🌴😎🌅𝓗𝓸𝓵𝓲𝓭𝓪𝔂 𝓢𝓹𝓪🌅😎🌴3517 Kennedy Rd, Unit 4, Scarborough ☎️𝟰𝟯𝟳-𝟮𝟰𝟳-𝟭𝟭𝟵𝟵☎️: CICI, CINDY & JENNY. CINDY is a slim & incredibly sexy lady with a smile that will melt your heart, & an ass that will fire up your spirit. Her services are among the best! Jenny has a medium build, nicely curvy with a slim waist, pretty face, and very flexible skills. Jenny will make you very happy.
  42. SugarLoveSpa:
    Tuesday at ❤️💙 💜⎝𝗦𝗨𝗚𝗔𝗥 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 𝗦𝗣𝗔⎠💖💗💘: ANA, MIMI & TIFFANY. 1270 Finch Ave W (at Keele St), Unit 18. North York, ON ☎ 𝟰𝟯𝟳-𝟯𝟲𝟱-𝟮𝟲𝟴𝟴 ☎ ANA is a young, short and sweet lady, 5’1 & 105 Lbs, very tight, with a small to medium booty. Ana is a versatile honey who provides great massage, & can accommodate your needs. MIMI is a slim & busty Asian/Euro mix beauty, 50Kgs & 1M60. Mimi has a very versatile range
  43. See You Health Center:
    Natalie she is CBC/filipina mixed Petite school girl Judy is a gorgeous model type Vietnamese Girl She is 5’2”tall . 100Lbs, with D Cup Melons Cici Cute Skinny Sexy Vietnamese Girl With Voluptuous Huge C Melons Provides Amazing Service ☎️416-988-2950
  44. Lulu_Villa_Spa:
    Sami Gorgeous Model Type CBC Vietnamese School Girl Barbie Very Young, very Petite Korea Student With Perfect S shape type Spicy Smoking Hot Body Great BBBJ, CIM, GFE in Her menu Suki From Taiwan, sweet girl Sexy tight body amazing C cups with Those incredible nipples ☎️647- 446-0886
  45. Golden Sunshine Spa:
    ✨Click on our Username and FOLLOW US for updates and special services ! ✅ Today🌸Susan🌸Luna🌸Lynda🌸Kandy🌸Jazmin Call us ☎ 905 - 265 - 2158☎️ Your ultimate service awaits! ✨
  46. Soul Relax Spa:
    ✨ Looking for a relaxing escape? ✅ Meet🌸Nina🌸Claire🌸CamilaCall us today for the best treatment and service experience. Click on our Username and FOLLOW US for updates ! Call now ☎ 289 - 298 - 5662☎️ Your ultimate relaxation awaits! ✨
  47. Lulu1980:
    Phoenix blossom Spa ♨️♨️♨️table shower 👍👍👍👍👍body scrub🌹🌹🌹🌹5124 Dundas W Etobicoke ☎️416-817-3366 Nice girl Luna is joining. She can provide a very good massage with sensual touch. She knows how to take direction and please a man. Lisa 😘can provide deep Thai massage. She takes directions very well. She has many assets and knows how to use them. Come see her today.Welcome to walk in or make an appointment at any time. Plenty of parking space at the back door
  48. EMSpa_schedule:
    Tomorrow's sneak peek: For Tuesday November 12, 2024, our attendants will be Ada ❤️, Cici 😍, Yoyo 🤩, Ivy 😘 and Christina 🔥 Call us at 905-479-6668 to book your favourite!
  49. Sunrise Health Centre:
    🫦 Yoyo has joined Angela & Noor for the evening 📞📲 (647) 325-8086 💦 We have Hot & Sexy Girls Every Day. 💋 They all do Extra Services & are Very Open-Minded ~ Drop In Anytime 🚶‍♀️🚶➡️ Walk-Ins Are Always Welcome! Unit 27, 10 East Wilmot Street, Richmond Hill
  50. Newspring@:
    Nu spring spa ❤️‍🔥sexy hot Latino 🌸Singapore 🌸Korean girls working at Markham ☎️416-669-8508❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥7-15 Karachi dr Markham
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