I am so sorry. Please know that it will get better over time, you'll never forget them but it will get easier... I lost a loved one not too long ago as well, and still get sad when I think about it... But I was like you at first.. You should love yourself, you didnt do anything wrong..
Surround yourself with your friends and family and let them know how you are felling so you can get some real interaction with people that care about you..
You are worth being loved even by yourself...