Is it appropriate for a soon 2 be x-husband to introduce his kids to his mistress?

[Butterfly]

I discovered my husband was cheating in March 2011. We are now going through the divorce process. Since my soon to be X husband will still be seeing his mistress and possibly living with her he decided to introduce our kids (11 and 14) to her and her son in May 2011. He wanted to see if they would get along since he will have our kids every other weekend. He did NOT tell me he was going to do this! I felt like I was kicked in the stomach. Totally dissed. My kids know this my husband had an affair ( I didn't tell them...they aren't stupid) and they put the pieces together that this Mistress was the person. He won't tell me where he lives (his mistress house) But I've allowed him to come to our house so he can see the kids. I want him in their lives.

I told him he was not acting as a good role model to our children. If he wants to do what he wants to do is fine. I can't control that. I am totally against him talking our kids to his mistress house for visitations. I told my kids what their dad did was totally wrong. I have accepted the fact that we are divorcing. This is another reason why WE are divorcing...lack of morals, values and standards!

I need big time sound advice:
** Should I let it go? As long as the kids are safe? Get a GPS on him so at least I know where they are!
** Should I fight this in court during the divorce negotiations based on a moral issue.
** Any suggestions to get through this?

Signed,
Just plain hurt. Didn't see this one coming at all!

 

[Blanch]

Of course you are hurt, but you need to move on and accept the death of that relationship. Now focus on the children and since they already know what happened and you already explained that what he did is totally wrong. Try to be civil and it will help you move on. You dont mention anything that would indicate your children would be in any danger at visitation, so the reason he doesnt tell you the address is probably because he is afraid you would go confront the other woman whom he obviously loves enough to leave you. Just let it go and move on, find love again. Good luck.

 

[freakboynv lives]

he is a doosh bag for doing it but there isn't anything you can do about it. bad mouthing him to the kids will only make matters worse. do yourself and your kids a favor and let it go. if the kids bring it up just listen, don't comment. there is no court in the land that would rule in your favor on this so don't waste your time there. his life is now his and he can do as he pleases. try to get in the mind frame that it's better to have a business relationship with him that is amicable as opposed to warfare.

 

[South Park Is Educational]

There isn't that much wrong with it. You are just feeling vindictive.

 

[Steph]

Legally he can take them there.

However, be careful about what you say to your children. In some states, such as TN, what you did is against the law. In some states that can cause you to lose custody of your children. Keep your comments about your ex's behavior to yourself and only speak of positive things about him and his family to your children. It's hard and I understand that...but you cannot do that to your children. That puts them between a rock and a hard place.

 

[Serenity]

You can't keep him from taking them there, even though it does sound inappropriate. But legally he has to give you his address and phone number. Get a lawyer.

 

[alialoggi]

You should bring it up to your lawyer. My ex husband cheated too and HIS lawyer suggested that he not introduce the kids to his mistress for 6 months after the divorce was final. He has been living with her for about 3 yrs and the kids stay at his house for visitation. Its a difficult process to get used to this, but it gets easier. I still don't think much of her or him, but I can be civil to him. I have no desire to meet her. Your kids will make up their own mind. My kids liked her at first, but now they see her true colors as well. Give them time and they will form their own opinion about them both.