Some Toronto Maple Leaf Jokes

[Tim J]

Some Toronto Maple Lemp Jokes...and I don't even follow hockey
RG

Q: What do the Lemps and the Titanic have in common?
A: They both look good until they hit the ice.

Q: What's the difference between the Toronto Maple Lemps and a cigarette vending machine?
A: The vending machine has Players!

Q: What’s the difference between a fat chick and the Lemps?
A: Even a fat chick scores every once in a while...

Q: What do the Toronto Maple Lemps and whales have in common?
A: They both get totally confused when surrounded by ice.

Q: Why are the Toronto Maple Lemps like Canada Post?
A: They both wear uniforms and don't deliver!

Q: Why doesn't Hamilton have an NHL team?
A: Because then Toronto would want one...

Q: What do the Toronto Maple Lemps, Toronto Argonauts and the Toronto Blue Jays all have in common besides being based in Toronto ?
A: None of them can play hockey.

Q: What do you call 25 millionaires around a TV watching the Stanley Cup Playoffs?
A: The Toronto Maple Lemps.

Q: What do the Toronto Maple Lemps and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 20,000 people stand up and yell 'Jesus Christ'.

Q: How do you keep the Toronto Maple Lemps out of your yard?
A: Put up a goal net.

Q: What do you call a Toronto Maple Lemp with a Stanley Cup ring?
A: A thief.

Q: Where is the smpest place to leave your naked wife?
A: With the Lemps, they can’t score...

Q: What do the Toronto Maple Lemps and possums have in common?
A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: How many Toronto Maple Lemps does it take to win a Stanley Cup?
A: Nobody knows...And we may never find out.

Dog Tricks:

This guy says to the bartender, “Can my dog and I watch the Toronto Maple Lemps hockey game here? My cable is out, and my dog and I always watch the game together.”

The bartender replies, “Normally, dogs wouldn’t be allowed in my bar, but it’s not very busy right now, so you and the dog can have a seat at the end of the bar. But, if there’s any trouble with you or the dog, I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

The guy agrees, and he and his dog start watching the game. Pretty soon, the Lemps manage to score a goal and the excited dog jumps up on the bar, barks loudly, does a back flip and runs over to the bartender and gives him a high-five .

The bartender says, “Wow, that’s pretty cool! What does he do when they win a game?”

The guys answers, “No idea, I’ve only had him for 3 years.”

Some things will never change:

The last time the Maple Lemps won the Stanley Cup most of their fans were in diapers.

Coincidentally, the next time they win it those same fans will be back in diapers again!