Therapist accidental vs. sneaking (inappropriate) peek/touch

[Benedict Y]

Not that anyone here would admit it, but honestly how common is it? I’m a late 20s married male. I’m very fit and consider myself to be good looking. This has happened on two of three massages.

Without being too long winded…I’ve only received three massages in my life. The first was at a local massage school. Young female therapist, I was told during intake to keep on underwear, lots of draping (towel, blanket, and sheet) was used, nothing inappropriate.

Second massage was at the local salon (nice upscale place) where I (and wife) get our hair done. I was given a free massage gift certificate from a new therapist that the salon had recently hired. She stopped me on my way out one day, introduced herself and said she was trying to attract new clients, and gave me the certificate. Next hair cut appointment (hadn’t used the massage certificate) I saw her again and said “Hi”. She remembered me and asked “why I hadn’t got my free massage yet?”. We talked for a couple of minutes, she seemed a little flirty, said I should feel special because she’d only given out a couple of freebees. A couple of weeks when by and I asked my wife if she’d like to use the certificate since she’d been complaining about feeling tired, stressed, etc. She called, asked if it would be okay if she got the free massage, was told it was fine. She got the massage and said that it was okay, nothing special, cut alittle short on time, kind of felt a little tension from the therapist. Next haircut there she was, said in a joking tone “so you didn’t want my massage”. I explained that my wife needed it more than me, nothing personal. She then said something like “Well the offer still stands, do you want one now, I’ve got an opening right now”. I agree. Proceeded back to the room. Completed the intake form. Was told to “strip down”. Draping was a big thick towel. She started with me face down, all seemed legit until she got to my legs/glutes area. She folded the towel back from my lower back area across to my other leg in kinda of a triangle type opening. She spent a couple of minutes in that area, nothing inappropriate… except I know that one entire cheek (and probably my testicles) where exposed…I kept thinking to myself that this can’t be the correct way of doing this…Is it??? After doing the other side the same way. I rolled over and she worked on the front. All was well until she was on my last upper leg. On one up stroke her finger accidentally (I think) poked the tip of my penis. Then on the next (slow) up stroke...the whole side of her hand brushed down the tip of my penis. :shock: I’m pretty sure this wasn’t by accident, but I’m curious as to how often this does happen by accident. After the (1 hour, twenty minutes) massage she tried to get me to book an appointment, I told her I wasn’t sure my schedule and never did. I never said anything to anyone. Not sure what happen to her, but she wasn’t at the salon very long.

This weekend (while on vacation), I received a couples massage with my wife. Sheet draping, no underwear. Started face up, all went well, went face down, all was well until she proceeded to my legs. Draped was almost and bad as my prior massage. She folded the sheet back started on the leg, proceeded down to feet, then back up to work glute. She didn’t tuck the sheet under/between my legs until getting back up to work the glute. I know the entire time she was working on the feet that my “stuff” was in full view. The other side was done the same. Is this normal??? I asked my wife (who’s had many massages) and she thought I was being a little paranoid since the lighting was dim and they’re professionals that don’t look or care. t104

Anyway what are your thoughts? Sorry for being so long. Thanks

 

[strata]

good question. I can only answer from my perspective. When I am working on a body part that is the part I am focused on and looking at. So if I inadvertently exposed you with my leg draping technique but was working on your calf. Then your calf is what I am looking at and probably wouldn' t even notice that I had exposed you.
We were taught both to work the glutes through the sheet and also ways to drape and fold back the drape to work the glutes. Here is where I think the issue lies. Your glutes were exposed and worked and then the MT went onto other areas without covering your glutes back up. I personally wouldn't do this. I don't leave my clients exposed for their comfort as well as to keep them warm.
Hope that helps. BTW if you are uncomfortable with the possibility of being exposed just leave your underwear on. If they say you should remove them just tell them you prefer to leave them on. I always tell my clients to undress to their comfort level. For about half that means leaving their briefs or panties on.
One last thought. Where was the vacation massage? I had a massage while in Malaysia once and it was much more revealing than any I have ever had in the US.

 

[gregniz]

BTW if you are uncomfortable with the possibility of being exposed just leave your underwear on. If they say you should remove them just tell them you prefer to leave them on. I always tell my clients to undress to their comfort level. For about half that means leaving their briefs or panties on.

I will in the future. I thought my prior time was just someone in massage for the wrong reason and certainly wasn't the norm.

One last thought. Where was the vacation massage? I had a massage while in Malaysia once and it was much more revealing than any I have ever had in the US.

just a spa in Cail USA

 

[Leftfoot]

In my 2 years of working on the public, I have never seen a testical on my table. I do not do a strait drape of the leg. I do a diagonal drape with the higher part on the outside thigh. It takes a while to get draping down to an art. When I was in school, I was just awe struck how the instructors could drape so well and so quickly. It took me a long time to drape back then. Got it down pat now tho!!

I use sheets to drape with a blanket on top. I dont know if I would like towels. To bulky and I can already hear clients complaining of being to cold.

Christine

 

[sirrobbie]

As a client, if you feel uncomfortable for ANY reason at all, you have Every right to speak up. As therapists, it is our job to help you relax & get rid of tension etc., and if you feel something is inappropriate, whether it's intended on our end or not (if it is, then that's DEF. not okay!), then please don't feel awkward about saying something! Communication is very important in this field, imo. It's hard to relax and enjoy your massage when you feel like things are hangin all out, or worse, that your therapist is trying to sneak something! agh.

As for the first massage you received, regardless of draping techniques, that therapist sounds like she was being pretty unprofessional from the start. A flirty vibe is nothing I would EVER want to send across to a potential client, as that does nothing but take away from the therapeutic reputation that we're trying to restore to massage, which has gained some pretty unseemly rep over the... centuries. Bleh to her. Trying to 'lure' people like that, and then trying to guilt trip them when they don't book, is something I would never want to do. I want to make people feel safe and comfortable around me.

As for the draping, I'm still in school and practicing, and I'm being taught to undrape Only what I'm working on, and then redrape for the sake of the client's comfort and security. I am to respect the client's boundaries at all times, no question - if you were to leave all of your clothes on, that would be your comfort level, and I would respect that and work wherever you felt needed it, and where you were comfortable with being worked on, through your clothes if you felt more comfortable, or only on what was showing, arms legs etc (within legal and ethical bounds of course, lol). If you left your undies on, I would have no problem with that.

As for how I'm being taught to drape the glutes when I work on them, if you're on your stomach, I would have the sheet folded down to expose your back to the top of your er, gluteal cleavage and then I'd make an angled fold to keep your cleavage covered, so that I could work that side of your lower back into where it feeds into the glutes. It's all muscles to me, and glutes have a huge (no pun intended) impact on the workings of your structure, I'm not doin it to see butt ; however, if it made you feel uncomfortable, of course I'd cover that thing back up and check in to see if I can do anything else to up your comfort level. The draping for the legs goes about the same - I've been trained that undraping a butt cheek is okay, as long as it is made clear that we are respecting your privacy in keeping the cleavage and everything else in that sensitive area definitely covered, even to the point of handing you the edge of the sheet so that you knew it'd stay in place (even though the draping technique assures that it'll stay in place either way; it's a comfort measure if needed).

aaanyways. I'm sorry to hear that things haven't been so relaxing for you. If I may ask, which region of Cali are you in, or was that just on vacation? If you're living in So Cal, maybe I could point you to a few reputable therapists (even my instructors, lol).

 

[Old Mister Happy]

Thanks for sharing this with us!

The way I do draping, I wouldn't have seen a thing. There are several ways to drape, and many MTs do it differently, but when you are face down, I gently lift your leg and bring the sheet underneath, bringing it up to your hip, sort of making the sheet into a diaper (sorry about the terminology, it's the clearest way I could explain it )

Have I seen a testicle or two? Sure; sometimes a client is lying face up and even though I diaper-drape, sometimes I'll be doing a few stretches where the drape doesn't always stay in place despite my best efforts. I purposefully do NOT try stare into that region, so sometimes there might be a possibility that during the stretch a small part of a private area may be uncovered. If I happen to see out of my peripheral vision that the sheet doesn't follow the outline of the top of the leg, I'll know to pull the sheet into place.

Have I ever been a little careless with draping? Not intentionally. Sometimes, as has been mentioned, I'll concentrate on a foot or a calf and not realize that something is a little uncovered. Have I ever touched a penis or breast? Yes, again by pure accident, while draping. Usually I'll acknowledge it by saying a brief but genuine, "I'm sorry" or "sorry about that" to let the client know that yes, I'm aware that I did that and no, I didn't do it accidentally-on-purpose-wink-wink and no I'm not going to try and do it again, and then go on and continue the massage exactly like normal without thinking of it again.

Based on the info I have about the encouters and the massage, I would have to say this therapist may have what we call "boundary" issues. In this case, boundaries means ethical and professional guidelines, kind of like a creed "we do w and x, we don't do y and z". They're their for the comfort of both you and the therapist. They concern conversation topics, draping practices, scope of practice, etc. Setting good boundaries also dictates that we don't mix physical attractions with professional massage. Period.

Just my $.02; hope it helps
Again, thanks for bringing this up!
Hugs,
~Jyoti

 

[LoScMa]

I think that is a good question

Salty dog, that's something I always wondered too. Do therapists make unintentional errors with draping or in massages? I mean, after massaging a lot of people or perhaps being tired, I would think it inevitable that one might occasionally be careless. I've had one or two times where when working on my quads or hamstrings where I felt like the drape was tucked very loosely or just kind of laying there. And it felt like I could have been exposed, but who knows? At first, it really bothered me a little bit, but then I thought to myself, massage therapists have probably seen all kinds of things if they have worked long enough - just relax and enjoy the massage. To be fair, I've had a lot of massages and this has rarely happened where I didn't feel the draping was quite up to par. Obviously, draping should be adequate, but I'm not going to flip out if one time something accidentally is brushed/exposed, etc...As long as nothing is done intentionally, as the 1st poster seemed to think in his situation.

 

[Pompal 09.]

I never could get the hang of diaper draping. Then again, I am terrible at gift wrapping too...

Christine

 

[Fiona]

Draping errors? I had a massage today, the sheet was rather large and touched the floor at the sides of the table. The therapist had one side folded back nicely to access the glutes, then she went around on the other side and accidentally stepped on the sheet. Pulled the whole thing right off my lower body. She got quite the eyeful I'm sure, but there's no way it was anything other than an accident.

I've had clients turn over before I was ready, and take the whole sheet with them, ending up with it stuck underneath of them and covering practically nothing. I've gotten my lotion bottle snagged on a sheet and inadvertently exposed something... etc. It happens. If it happens repeatedly, it's more likely carelessness and should probably be mentioned, especially if you are uncomfortable.

 

[Warren]

-deleted-

 

[Tatiana Alveal [Peace.]]

If it happens repeatedly, it's more likely carelessness and should probably be mentioned, especially if you are uncomfortable.

Agreed.

 

[gsaid88]

Bodies and legs are 3 dimensional, even if you feel a breeze, it's likely that the curve of your legs is covering things up from view from above if you have any thigh muscles.

I have done courses where draping was so minimal it may as well not have been used, and it was often not used, courses where there are bright classroom lights so you can see what is going on in front of you and around you. I usually would end up working with the males on the courses - there were often other students that were not comfortable working with the males for whatever reason.

Anyway, under the bright lights, warm weather, and no draping, never was anything visible when a male was face down, with the width of the table the amount of leg spreading possible meant everything was just in the area where you could not tell where skin of leg was no longer the skin of the leg. Maybe if I actually crouched down at table level there may have been a bit more to view, but that's not exactly a position recommended for good body mechanics for the therapist. Obviously an entirely different matter when the male was face up with no draping, and I can say that there was a variety of sizes of the packages, but size didn't matter when it came to how much was visible to the therapist when the client was face down, even when working on the feet when the therapist is standing up.

As for brushing the goods, that shouldn't occur, once is an accident, going back for a feel is another matter, shouldn't happen.

It seems you've been uncomfortable with the draping 2 out of 3 times you've had a massage, and thought something was touched once out of 3 massages. Keep the underwear on and you won't have to worry about the draping.

 

[mdigitale]

When I got a massage last summer, she was draping my leg (supine) somehow she banged my testicles 2-3 times while tucking (i assume). About one more bump and she might have gotten some sort of reaction, involuntary, for sure...

 

[Resaaa]

You know what I hate?? When as a client I am ready to turn over and the therapist lifts up the top sheet tent style 2 feet above my body. Talk about getting a peek!!

I let the client turn without tenting up the sheet. So many female clients grab the sheet for modesty anyway when turning, so I just let them. After they are turned over, I adjust the sheet so one side isnt hanging on the floor.

Christine

 

[caldwell]

You know what I hate?? When as a client I am ready to turn over and the therapist lifts up the top sheet tent style 2 feet above my body. Talk about getting a peek!!

I let the client turn without tenting up the sheet. So many female clients grab the sheet for modesty anyway when turning, so I just let them. After they are turned over, I adjust the sheet so one side isnt hanging on the floor.

Christine

yup, hate that too. I just hold onto the sheet so that turning doesn't end up taking it all the way off the other side of the table. No tents. Besides, with the tent, I catch a chill! I'm all NAKED under there! t043

 

[niceandcool.]

We were taught to pick up the sheet from the opposite side of the table than we were on, can't see thru the sheet. Now I just hold onto it so it does not get bunched up, ask them to turn toward me if they are prone, away if supine.

 

[Pompal 09.]

To my knowledge I have never bumped or brushed any part of a man's genitals.

She might have done it a second time to make it seem like it was all part of the move anyway or something. You know like when you move a chair a certain way and it makes that sound so you try to do it again to prove it wasn't you making that sound.

I have been draped in ways that felt like I was exposed, but any sort or draft can create that feeling. Still the same, I don't like it.

When I hold sheets for a client to turn I pin the sheets to the table with my thighs and hold the sheet on the opposite side up a bit from about the shin level to the top of the hip...enough to help them move untangled.

 

[execglenn]

If I may ask, which region of Cali are you in, or was that just on vacation? If you're living in So Cal, maybe I could point you to a few reputable therapists (even my instructors, lol).

Only visiting Cali, thanks anyway.

 

[jacobandalex]

Thanks, gals and guys for the great replies. Sounds like probably a combination of me not knowing what to expect, loose draping, and/or accidents happening. Whatever the case, I was just curious, I’m not an overly modest guy, and I definitely don’t feel violated, or anything. I’ve been to a nude beach and don’t have any problem with nudity. I probably should have been more assertive with the salon worker, but didn’t really want to stir things up. Thanks again

 

[owlcroft]

We were taught to pick up the sheet from the opposite side of the table than we were on, can't see thru the sheet. Now I just hold onto it so it does not get bunched up, ask them to turn toward me if they are prone, away if supine.

Yeah, when I was in school and during the first few months of my practice, I would ask them to turn towards me. But many of them (usually women) would still turn the other way. I believe it is out of modesty because they have less to show on their back than their front.

Now adays tho, I just tell my regular clients to turn over. First timers in by me I joke about it by saying, "turn over either way as long as you dont fall off the table." Gets a chuckle every time. When working with the elderly, I do tell them to turn over towards me so I can help and/or catch them if they go a bit to far.

Christine